Subject: New legislation

WASHINGTON, DC - April 8, 2008
       Congress is considering sweeping
>> legislation which will provide new benefits for many
>> Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act
>> (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal
>> by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack
>> any real skills or ambition. "Roughly 50 percent
>> of Americans do not possess the competence and drive
>> necessary to carve out a meaningful role for
>> themselves in society," said California Senator
>> Barbara Boxer, one of the sponsors of the
>> legislation. "We can no longer stand by and allow
>> people of inability to be ridiculed and passed over.
>> With this legislation, employers will no longer be
>> able to grant special favors to a small group of
>> workers, simply because they have some idea of what
>> they are doing."
>>
>> In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority
>> Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry
>> Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal
>> Service, which has a long-standing policy of
>> providing opportunity without regard to performance.
>> Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack
>> any job skills, making this agency the single
>> largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.
>>
>> Private-sector industries with good records of
>> nondiscrimination against the inept include
>> financial advisors (73%), retail sales 72%), the
>> automotive industry (70%), the airline industry
>> (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores
>> (65%). At the state government level, the Department
>> of Motor Vehicles also has a great record of hiring
>> Persons of Inability (63%).
>>
>> Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than
>> 25 million "middle man" positions will be created,
>> with important-sounding titles but little real
>> responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of
>> purpose and performance. Mandatory
>> non-performance-based raises and promotions will be
>> given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even
>> the most unremarkable employees.
>>
>> The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to
>> corporations that promote a significant number of
>> Persons of Inability into middle-management
>> positions, and gives a tax credit to small and
>> medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one
>> clueless worker for every two talented hires.
>>
>> Finally, the AWNAA Act contains tough new measures
>> to make it more difficult to discriminate against
>> the non-abled --banning, for example, discriminatory
>> interview questions such as "Do you have any skills
>> or experience which relate to this job?"
>>
>> "As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep
>> up with people who have something going for them,"
>> said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a
>> lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan,
>> due to her lack of any discernible job skills. "This
>> new law should really help people like me." With the
>> passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other
>> untalented citizens will finally see a light at the
>> end of the tunnel.
>>
>> Said Senator Ted Kennedy: "As a Senator With No
>> Abilities, I believe the same privileges that
>> elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to
>> every American with no abilities. It is our duty as
>> lawmakers to provide each and every American
>> citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with
>> some sort of space to take up in this great nation."
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