Definition of an Irish Husband:
He hasn't kissed his wife in 20 years, but he''ll kill any man who tries to.

Murphy told Quinn his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn replies as to how he's a lucky man because his wife makes him walk.

The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among
themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.

An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a
question, he replies with another question?"
Paddy snaps back, "Who told you that?"

Reilly went to trial for armed robbery.... The jury foreman
came out and announced, "...Not Guilty!"
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money??"

Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd rather ye used the dressin' room, thank you."

Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen,"Is that yourself I hear spittin' in
the vase on the mantle, then?"
"No," said himself, "But I'm gettin' closer all the time!"

Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A Bachelor.

Finnegan: "My wife has a bad habit of sittin' up till two in the mornin,
and I can't break her of it."
Keenan: " What on earth is she doin' at that time?"
Finnegan: "Waitin' on meself to come home!"

"O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "Did that Mudpack I gave you improve your wife's looks?"
"It sure did, "replies O'Ryan, "But it keeps fallin' off !"